How to Go from Awkward Interactions to Soul-Level Connections
The 3 Levels of Peopling: How to Go from Awkward Interactions to Soul-Level Connections
Some conversations feel like quicksand. You’re smiling, nodding, and trying to seem engaged, but inside you’re silently screaming, Can we be done now? Other conversations? They light you up, leave you thinking for days, and make you grateful you crossed paths with that person.
That difference isn’t luck. It’s levels. Not all connection is created equal, and learning how to move through the three levels of peopling can turn small talk into meaningful conversation and awkward hellos into authentic relationships.
Level 1: Surface Talk
Surface talk is the safest zone—and the most forgettable.
“Nice weather we’re having.”
“How’s work?”
“Busy.”
Surface talk isn’t bad. In fact, it’s often the doorway into deeper conversation. But if you live here too long, connection can’t grow roots. This level is all about exchanging basic information without risk or vulnerability.
How to Recognize You’re Here: The conversation feels polite but shallow. You could walk away and forget it within minutes.
How to Level Up: Ask one question that invites a glimpse of the person beyond the facts. Instead of “How’s work?” try, “What’s something that’s made you excited about work lately?” A small tweak shifts the energy from exchange to engagement.
Level 2: Shared Humanity
This is where connection starts to breathe. Shared humanity is about finding common ground and letting your real self peek through. You go from facts to feelings, from roles to realities.
“Work’s been crazy, but I love helping my clients.”
“Oh, I get that—I love when a project clicks and you can see you’ve made an impact.”
At this level, you’re not just talking—you’re relating. You’re allowing your experiences to overlap and saying, Me too. I get it.
How to Recognize You’re Here: The conversation has a spark. You feel a subtle shift from exchanging information to sharing a piece of yourself.
How to Level Up: Lean into curiosity. Ask questions that invite story:
“What got you into that line of work?”
“What’s been the best part of your week so far?”
“What’s something you’re learning about yourself right now?”
Level 3: Soul-Level Connection
This is where the magic happens. Soul-level connection isn’t just about talking—it’s about being seen. At this level, walls drop and authenticity takes over. You’re not performing; you’re present.
Soul-level connections can happen in long-term relationships or in a five-minute conversation with a stranger. The difference is depth and openness.
“Honestly? It’s been a tough week. I’m questioning if I’m in the right place career-wise.”
“I’ve been there. That takes courage to even say out loud.”
At this level, connection isn’t just about similarity; it’s about shared humanity meeting raw honesty. These moments can change people. They can change you.
How to Recognize You’re Here: The conversation feels grounding. Time slows a little. You leave feeling lighter, seen, or even shifted.
How to Cultivate It:
Practice listening without rushing to fill the space.
Offer empathy instead of advice.
Share something real about yourself when it feels safe. Vulnerability invites vulnerability.
Why We Get Stuck at Level 1
Fear of judgment. Social anxiety. Busyness. Sometimes we’re too tired or too distracted to risk real connection, so we stay in the safety zone of small talk. Other times, we don’t want to be “too much” or “too deep,” so we keep things light.
But here’s the truth: people are starving for Level 2 and 3 conversations. A world full of surface talk leaves us relationally malnourished.
Peopling Your Way Up the Levels
The goal isn’t to force every conversation into deep territory. Not every interaction needs to hit Level 3. The art of peopling is knowing how to sense the moment and gently invite more depth when it’s right.
Start at Level 1. Use it as the warm-up.
Offer a glimpse of yourself to open the door to Level 2.
Listen for cues. When someone shares a feeling or story, that’s your chance to step into Level 3.
Connection is a dance, not a demand.
A Spiritual Layer to Soul-Level Connection
For those who see people through the lens of faith, Level Three is where we desire to be. Heart to heart, soul to soul connection. This is where our most authentic version of ourselves, our truest, rawest, freest self is set free to run wild with others. This is full acceptance of others, a quest to seek understanding of perspective and an openness that is rare in this world. It's a God-given gift when you get to experience it and share it with others.
Peopling Takeaway:
Small talk opens the door, but depth keeps it from closing. The next time you feel stuck in Level 1, remember: you don’t have to leap to soul-level connection. You just have to take one step closer to being real. That’s where relationships begin to transform.
